Marathon

It’s just gone two months since I climbed aboard a train and set off for an adventure and there are three months to go. I’ve past my mental milestone (get as far as your birthday and you’re home free Clare!) and now it’s a case of girding myself up for the long haul. Not that three months is a very long time really, not on paper, not in the grand scheme of things. However, the next six weeks or so are going to be a very different kind of challenge to first couple of months where I could revel in gung-ho enthusiasm for new and exciting things.

This week I’ve felt like I’ve been in a suspended state waiting for things to happen, to kick back into newness again or for something exciting to come along. There isn’t much that pro-activity on my part can do to break out of this mental plateau because I’m waiting on other factors. Swallow’s invited me to come with her when she goes to climb a mountain, we’re going to Beijing the last weekend in October for friends’ birthdays, I will go to Beijing again to meet the good friend of my Great-Aunt, I can buy a great big winter coat and hat, Mum’s sending me parcels, Andy’s coming back to Handan and we can meet his fiancée, Tom will be coming back to China at some point, it’ll be Steph’s birthday and Laura and Kan’s, Charlie’s going to cook for us again, I need to get running again after another flipping cold has knocked me twelve ways from noon and I might even learn some more Mandarin! But none of this is happening YET… I have to be patient. I hate being patient. I want to do things, see things, learn things, make plans, hang out with people and by the time that my head clicks back into its proper frame I will be kicking myself for having wasted time. Oh, this mindset is frustrating!

It’s a marathon not a sprint. This bit, it’s the cycling section of a triathlon, it’s the second part of a trilogy, it’s the valley between peaks; it’s the bit you have to get through after the initial excitement and before the finale. This bit is Mind over Matter, and I need to man up. I’m not going to let ennui swamp me when terror didn’t! I am a determined optimist and in my head, spreading despondency within my orbit is still a crime. A comforting grumble to get things off your chest then getting on with it is one thing, whinging is generally deserving of a kick. Of course it’s an entirely different situation when someone’s got an actual problem – something they’re really worried or upset about and, obviously, different people cope with unhappiness, stress, disaster etc in different ways.

Personally, my coping strategies involve a combination of self misdirection, denial, tears sobbed in private to my understanding teddy, running or dancing furiously, chocolate, booze, fiction, venting to and support from sympathetic friends/family, giving myself a stern talking to, remembering that I’m British (!) and pigheaded refusal to sink when swimming is an option. So far, I haven’t yet come across anything so personally devastating that a combination of these can’t fix but I’m realising just how lucky I am to be in that situation. Laura has had various pieces of upsetting news from home this month (and has been an absolute trooper) and our friend Charlie’s dad has just died. This morning I went with Kan to Charlie’s home town (about half an hour from Handan) to pay respect to the family; between the two of us we represented seven people. We didn’t stay for very long as Charlie was the only person who really speaks English and, naturally, he had other things to be doing today than taking care of us, but I’m so glad we went.

There was a sort of small marquee in the street with a kind of altar with Charlie’s father’s photograph and flowers which we bowed to three times on arrival, and again when we left. Inside the marquee, close male relatives sat with white cloth tied around their heads, wrists and ankles. (White is the colour of deep mourning in China). We were also given white cloth to wear – I tied mine around my wrist. There were lots of friends and family in attendance around the street and the house, and a stage across the way which a guy was singing on as we arrived and from which music blared out loudly the whole time we were there. It felt incongruous to me, but I don’t know what’s normal at funerals, especially Chinese ones – presumably it’s the same sentiment as playing upbeat music at an English funeral? Anyway, I met Charlie’s wife Karen and son Blake for the first time and we greeted his mother. We gave in our donation (monetary) which was recorded in a big blue book (like bowing, that’s a traditional cultural thing) and after a bit more condolence we decided to come away. The proper funeral and cremation was to be this afternoon, after which they will have taken the ashes to the family plot. It was a very moving visit. It makes me so thankful to have my family, and makes me realise how important living is while you’re alive. No more moaning about boredom from me.

SO, coming up soon – I have lunch with the police chief who wants me to teach his daughter, I meet a friend of one of the teachers who wants to learn conversational English and will help me with Chinese in return, we go to Beijing and I model some wedding dresses. (Don’t ask – I’ll explain after it happens…)